It was the last night of PST (pre-service training) and my host family wanted to take me out to dinner. My host brothers wanted pizza (and if I’m honest that sounded really good to me also) so we hopped in the family car and drove into the city proper for dinner at Shakey’s. Like the Philippines so often does, this night felt both familiar and foreign. After dinner we walked around the city plaza talking about what was coming next in my Peace Corps journey. I assured them that while I was moving about 30 minutes away, that I’m sure we would still see each other.
My host mom joked with me, “That is if you don’t find some Filipina to keep you too busy.”
If I had been doubting coming out to them before, this was about as perfect a set up as I was going to get–so I went for it. “What if that person wasn’t a FilipinA, but a FilipinO?” Few times in my life has the difference between an ‘ah’ and an ‘oh’ been so consequential.
It took a moment for my response’s meaning to translate over, but their expressions changed and I knew we all understood each other. My host mom said if a person made me happy then that is what is’ important; and that anyone who earned me love is someone they wanted to meet to make sure they’re a good person. They expressed some sadness that they only got to learn about this part of me on our last nigtht together, but we all knew this wasn’t our end.
Despite how perfectly that interaction went, coming out at school was never something I felt comfortable with during my three years. When I reflect on my service this always feels like the biggest missed opportunity on my part. I was fortunate to teach at a local community college, where exposing the students to new ways of thinking was part of the curriculum. But the fear of possible blow back halting our work together was strongerthan my need to express this part of me. I wish though that I had been able to be a role model for my LGBTQI+ students.
Since my service I have gone back many times and had numerous coming out expereinces at my site. I am thankful for their acceptance of me. It has been amazing to watch this community’s acceptance for LGBTQI+ people grow and evolve over the last 15 years.
